I often hear from the parents of older babies (children over 9 months old) that their kids are great self-soothers - easily putting themselves to sleep at all times ACCEPT when it seems to matter most: in the middle of the night. During these night wakings they require to be nursed and then will return right back to sleep on their own. This baffles Mom and Dad. Their baby must be hungry right? He has the skills needed to go back to sleep, but just won’t do it without that feeding. So what gives?
Some babies truly need a feeding at night through 9 months of age, but after 9 months of age this waking is only happening because their body has become accustomed to this ritual. If you are unsure of your child’s nutritional needs you should consult your pediatrician. Assuming no feedings are needed, here’s why:
Babies and toddlers learn what is expected of them from our example. In fact, adults do too! We are all conditioned to respond in certain ways in different situations. Think back to Psychology 101, Pavlov and his conditioned and unconditioned responses. He understood that when his dogs saw meat they had an unconditioned response to salivate. He then went on to observe that when the dogs saw a white lab coat (which was worn by the individuals who fed the dogs) they would salivate as well – a conditioned response. What your baby has learned about your reaction to different sleep times is also a conditioned. Based on what he has experienced in the past, he understands that at naptime and bedtime he is expected to fall asleep on his own and knows that he has the skills to do so. However, his only experience when he has woken up during the night is that you will nurse him and then he will go back to sleep. To change this behavior, you simply must teach him a new set of expectations. You want him to stop nursing at night and go back to sleep on his own, so stop nursing him back to sleep at night. In short, he needs to learn that when he wakes at night it is his job to go back to sleep on his own. As he already has self-soothing skills and knows how to fall asleep unassisted, this should be a fairly simple lesson. How you teach him this new expectation is up to you, but it should be fairly quick and painless as long as you are 100% consistent.
Amy Lage is a Family Sleep Institute certified Child Sleep Consultant. She is co-owner of Well Rested Baby. She offers a host of services including in person, phone, email and Skype/FaceTime consultations that can be tailored to meet any family’s needs and schedule. Please email her at amy@wellrestedbaby.com with any questions.
